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Tuesday, November 10, 2009
As our hero walks in disarray, scuffling through the sharp glass splinters on the floor. Only to realize they were fragments of broken dreams.
Here i sit wondering how many falls it takes to rise above every failure i have had. I wonder again about where i'll be sitting wondering these thoughts in another 10 years. And as the minute ticks by, as the curtains sway by, those years in my thought starts decreasing slowly until i stop caring. To a point where i stop chasing my sketchbooks and finally putting my pen down. I'm tired of being happy for someone else. The thought of being here another year waiting for a path that i'm obligated to follow just stabs me right in my heart. Yet again the pain immenses when i have no path of my own. There it happens again, another dream sharttered and the same feeling years ago becomes a haunting truth. Its not good... never will be. I will follow this river emotionlessly, only this time... its drifting away from my dream. [nom]... this is not home. noMm left his thoughts at 08:42 pm g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Wednesday, October 28, 2009
The winter chill consumes the very warmth of hopes that many beings have created with their ideologies and thus darkness blooms once again...
I hate this. I hate when my moments are stopped and not paused. I hate the fact that being unable to do anything is the worst feeling. I hate waking up having nothing to look forward to. I hate waking up on a same shit, seeing same faces, talking same craps on a different day. I hate it when my dad have to work after retirement. I hate realizing your better than me. I hate vegetables. I hate trying to make people happy when they want me to. I hate the thought of dying in regret. I hate seeing them in resentment. I hate people who ostracize others. I hate living up to your expectations and yet i hate it more when i fulfill them. I hate dreams with no support. I hate the reality of everything. I hate load shedding. I hate when i cant get more than what i have. I hate the fact im not famous. I hate even more the fact im not rich. I hate waking up every night so suddenly. I hate that im suffering from insomnia. I hate the fact my hearts not strong. I hate the chains on my legs and i hate when i have to chew'em off with my teeth. I hate. I hate seeing my mom cry. I hate the saddness that you bring in this house. I hate wishing upon a star. I hate starless night. I hate when my expressions are frozen cause i know they'll melt in pain. I hate exeggerating my words. I hate that i'm not a millionaire and owning half the world's continent. I hate having no powers. I hate being unable to bleed. I hate watching people cry. I hate when it doesnt rain. I just hate all these hates. [nom]... i'm frazzled. noMm left his thoughts at 02:24 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Monday, July 27, 2009
A million years have gone by and the only source remains the same is the sun and the moon, perhaps our hero saving another damsel in distress in another day...
How do i realize so much time have gone by since i last sat and reminisce with myself? I didnt do it intentionally but my eye caught the faces of my friends' mom and i realize how old they've gotton. Its scary, not what they look like but to realize that same human being right infront who used to talk about her son's behavior and comparing everything about you, have aged so much and starts looking so fragile. Their faces don't change but they feel different, that's what i think. And then i reflected to myself about this matter. Every night i stare at the blank ceiling wondering how much i've come to whatever thats happening right now. Sometimes clueless, other times sad. And of cause all these so called "responsible" thoughts lead to one question to another or perhaps an endless chain of staggering mind blowing series of questions... and among those, one that pops out the most is when i asked myself where i'm going? The answer is not there, it cant be found, cant be created or cant be asked for.. or at least what i think. Its a pain to passively think so much. I don't know the secrets of happiness and the best way to treasure and cherish time and moments, i dont know what lies in true love and in what ways we can create the unbreakable bonds. I dont know how to be a better person or how to make others feel right. I just dont know many things that you could possible ask me. But in the end i do know one thing. i'm both proud to have the things i have and the things i dont have. [nom].. we gotta have fun now, there's only minutes left. noMm left his thoughts at 04:03 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Friday, June 26, 2009
After a monstrous failed pursuit, our hero finds himself crashed in an alien world...
The surroundings are feeling different, the mutuality in the atmosphere is dispersing and people talks are sounding gibberish. Its almost as if the world is turning so alien, change is coming. I sat outside with a coffee and doughnut just staring blank at lives infront. I'm suppose to be looking through the papers but i'm too distracted dreaming space invasion commencing. People are screaming for their lives and being mercilessly evaporated into thin air with death ray vaporizer guns. So sinister yet too awesome to see it in slow motion and i'm there grinning away at other people meseries. No don't get me wrong now, i'm not cold or selfish or critically insane weird to smrk or grin on someone else's fatality. Change is coming, its breeze is howling to let you know its not too far and its coming! They say if you did something different just before the change occurs, it judges your last deed and permantly personalize your character according to the level of your alignment on your last deed. So if you did something good, your freaking good your whole life and if you did something bad, your one badass bastard. But i'm trying not to fall into those two, no not even in the middle. See i'm going for somewhere out from those two... and if your wondering what it is then dont wonder too much. See if you move up above those two, you'll reach the world of insanity. So wreckless and carefree, not a care to the world... emotionally dead but intellectually limitless that defies human scientific behavior. Like people jumping infront of a moving cars in superman costume .But thats not me, i'm going for somewhere below. The underworld of total mystery where strange and the unexplainable dwells in a perpetually twilight zone. Where enigmatic souls dreams of space invasion in broad daylight and thinks its cool to live in igloos. Now i like that, it strains your eye brow and you sub-conciously find it intrigue. Thats the power of being weird. It doesnt have an end or a full stop in speeches, actions are always questioned and judge senselessly, response are always anticipated and its contagious cause people are always wondering those little things and somehow picking up the habit. So its cool to be weird. Now excuse me, the change is coming and i need to be blasting zorks from another planet with my death ray vaporizer from taking over my bedroom. ZAP* ZAP*... [nom].... oh change me weird! noMm left his thoughts at 02:01 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Saturday, May 23, 2009
The "Hero of the Year" is just a week away and our hero is all frazzled, so disturbed that little infants and young bimbos might reconsider their favourite hero to someone else...
My horoscope in Buisness says i will succeed everything today without any effort. Hmmm i dont know, its too good to be true. You can just feel the little paper and the words in it screaming out tiny voices warning what i read to believe. When something is too good to be true they usually are and i can only justify at the end of the day but it will be too late somehow. I look at all the projects involving money to see if success and effortless was on my side, and i realise its too soon to say anything bad or good. I'm sitting on a middle of a see-saw on a verge of falling left or right, thats how i shall put it. Then my Love horoscope says being two faced in love could be dangerous and i should be careful. Something's missing here. "Be careful" of who?.. me or my parthner(lets say i have hypothetically). If its me then i'm quite farmilar with my other face, my eternal emotional depressing alter ego... Nomiephobia. But i dont see anything dangerous in him neither does he seem malevolent except towards chocolate chip cookes and sweet potatoes. But other than that to catagorize Nomiephobia under "malignancy" is clearly the beer talking. Perhaps its the hypothetical parthner of mine, the devil's advocate, the mistress of hell, the succubus on a mission from hell to make my life a reality of sleepless nights and heartaches. Here is a broken man, its recess everywhere but in his heart. God dammit. My Health horoscopes says i'm in need of a good holiday. Well you bet your computerized imprinted words your right. I need to lie down in a jacuzzi, wine and icecream sundae on the reach of my hands. Hot women by my side to keep my lonely nights bliss and good music to drift my sarrows away from my paradise. Filter me well, feed me well, arouse me well, soothe me well... my spirit, mind and body crave for the longing of relaxation from this world that we call "Responsibility". God's tender clouds will unearth my feet and reach me to divinity. And i got all these crap for 5rs at some weight machine. Horoscopes my butt, hard to believe, fun to read... they come and they go everyday but my exaggerating surreal mind will last another 20 years. [nom]... my weight didnt change. god dammit! noMm left his thoughts at 12:27 pm g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Just when things were looking bad and the curse of Dr.Mundane's forces were on the brink of triumph, our hero unleashes his fury of artistic destruction wiping out the dark forces that aims to bore the city of life!... Ladies and gentle man, tonights public service annoucement 2009 will be skipped however, DreamScar proudly and wickedly annouces the release of their first music toturial magazine "Guitargasm". Its a killer, no filler, it pops your eyes out and crave your addiction maximum till you go all frenzy for a copy! Ah yes dearest homosepians, you are about to witness the change in media history of Nepal, the revolution of magazine has evolve so sinister and we will dominate the industry. Look out WAVE! you're teenage fans are on the bring of religous conversion... the religion of DOUBLE COOLIO thy GUITARGASM! and Rock Fever, dont think we've forgotten you. We'll rubbed your black and white toilet pages on Mr Prachandra's ass so hard he'll probarly whine about to his rebels to death.  24 pages of kickass designs on a quality print paper for just 50rs is a good bargain! So get your's copy today! Haha. I've been waiting for months to have things worked out, no did i say "I"? I mean "WE" ! Now i could just ripped out the freshly sealed plastic covers and slam the magazine right on people's face and demand a contribution of their participation by selling it! I didnt mean to sound bad but i'm intoxicated. Hey its not everyday you see your name on the Editorial Page on your own magazine right? We're getting the rest of the 450 copies tomorrow and start distrubuting to friends to help us spread our monsterous awareness. Due to budget cuts, people have to skip bookstores cause they wont find it there.LOL! Hey we're bunch of guys with big dreams! we're aint made of money! Its sold inperson! So wherever you are and whatever your doing, if you see a smart looking young man or a cute damsel holding out copies, i beseech you to approach and ask for a freshly new copy for yourself! don't forget for your friends and family! And dont harass the lady if your a guy with raging hormones... people find you drop dead queer here. So cheers to life! cheers to our first step! cheers to our creation! and cheers that you bought it! [nom]... i'm keeping this copy in my time capsule. noMm left his thoughts at 05:07 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Retreat mr stupendous man! The forces are too strong to handle at your situation, retreat but dont stop fighting! Heal! Replenish! and strike back, as our hero swings his might!...
So here's the thing , i learnt so much about myself lately after all these years of self oblivion and ignorance of my own nature. It's a fact, its a creation of God's own will, its the universal truth... i'm officially catogorize as a BIG SCREW UP. I admit it scornfully without a shadow of proudness. I've been screwing up alot of things and chances that is much more important to me than you think. Maybe somewhere in the universe there's a award ceremony for screw ups like me. And if i'm dead lucky enough to put my name in it, i might just get nominated on the top 5 or even win an award of the BIGGEST SCREW UP award with gifts of acknowlegement consisting of screw drivers and nuts. I'm sarcastically honoured. Today i've ensripted a new oath and enlisted alochol on my blacklist. I'm not touching another alcohol, i'm not a drinker but never gonna have one ocaasionally or never. I've got these allergy thingy going on where some itchy irrational develops after i touch a dose of alcohol. No the hell i dont know which specifically. Thinner is the basic element in the world of spray paints. Without it, you cant even start anything and everything goes wrong when they start mixing another element in the pureness of thinner itself. Tainting it, ruining the perfect nature of the art of spray. You mix kerosene in thinner, it eats the bright colours resulting a patch of dullness on the surface. You mix alcohoal in the thinner, you get a spider webs materializing in the atmosphere distrupting the smoothness. And that was it, alcohol... eversince i started handling the taintness of the alcohol, my hand developed and unwanted condtition and it just created an ordeal of days! So fuck alcohol, burn'em, throw'em in the outerspace... i'ma stay clean now. I'm going work tomorrow again coz work work is piling up due to my absence. Now i've learnt what i'm allergic too so fuck alcohol again! hohoho... damn my kryptonite just got drunken! On the postive side, my other magazine project is on the run again, its suppose to be printed in 2 days time so i'm super dead in a state of hysteria just to see my first copy! God bless the art! [nom].. well wine is exceptional, i love wine ^^, noMm left his thoughts at 05:46 pm g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Saturday, April 18, 2009
Its like never before seen, the sun rose from the east mountains and it never set in the west ocean... oue hero wonders if this is too surreal to be true.
It's amazing... i can't control myself. Non-stop flow of power through lines and into my computer. I cant sleep, somebody stop me! Its a miracle from the rain! Currently load shedding here has reduced to the very minimum. From what i think, there's power lines 24/7 and i've not seen it gone! It feels like humanity has replenish. I've said before this country was going straight to hell but i'll take it back for awhile now. Sooner or later when summer sun heats up and the winter breeze chills in, its all back to sleepless nights again. So bless the moments right here right now... appreciate a constant flow of electricity in your room! And what about other things? Work? Ah yes... its time to motivate myself up and lift my gloomy spirits of the darker nights and blacker days to put them back in action. We have alot of helmet spray jobs to do and i need to buckle up! Crew. pass my my spray gun! its LOCK AND LOADED! lets BoOgiE! I'm like a hermit crab, a silent rebel created from the society of outkast and the ostrasize. But that doesnt mean i'm anti-social. Hey i do have alot of things to say, crappy and nonsense but still i perfectly make sense and responds and you call that so lonely and sad? I'm not sad... i'm just tired, confused and unaware of my responsibilties. And i'm not lonely... i'm just lazy. I havnt been spending much time hanging out or so, come to think of it i'm almost spending my entire day at home... not counting my working hours. I wish dad was here asap... i too lazy to take care of the house thingys. And thank you if you notice i'm writing alittle longer than usual. We're having powerlines so much i dont know what to do with it. So yah that explains. Anyways so here's a toast from me to whoeever you are reading this, a toast for good life, for the good over bad, for the good people, for the love ones, for dreams, for better days and lastly for the momentarily of rejoice on powerlines here! TOAST! [nom]... god dammit, no midnight snacks! noMm left his thoughts at 08:36 pm g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Monday, March 30, 2009
Its cold and its wet... where have all the villians gone?...
There's something magical about the rain. Everything about it just puts your mind at ease and it drifts you to another place in your mind where you thought it never existed. The sound of water droplets sings the ever solace my dried soul has craved for. Its almost heaven on earth for me except that i always have this emptiness somewhere within me. I've been cleansed by the rain and replenished to start something new. Been drinking coffee and eating up all day just to fill the emptiness which unfortunately feels like a bottomless pitt. But i'm glad the storm has come and i know its on my side. It wont help me to get somewhere nor would it act as a stepping stone to further what i've been going. It will be there at times as my solace to ease my pain, it will be there to drift my loneliness away from everyone else, it will be there to sing me a tune of peace at mind and most importantly it will be there to put me to sleep and end my misery of imsomnia. I am glad the rain has come, it has come for me. And just when it starts to feel heaven on earth for me, i'll find something missing somewhere i dont know... even the rain wont tell me. [nom]... caught by the window on a rainy day noMm left his thoughts at 03:24 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** Sunday, March 01, 2009
Exchanging fists on pits of volcanic lava, the hostile beast corners our hero on what seems to be the final episode... what tricks does he have under his cape! So the portal idea was abit too emotional and straight on my previous entry and if i might i like to restate on how i would leave this world. Not die or anything. If its really the me inside that sparks up a crazy evil imagination right about now? Cause believe it not, i like to watch the world burn. A monsterous beast sent from the above, i'd rather not kill innocent lives so i'll vanish them from the face of the earth unaware. I'll leave the cruels, mean, cold and the sinister behind to face the wrath of my apocalypse! So here i will be... this huge, ugly, razor teeth and eyes so sinister spewing dragon breaths and eating buildings for dinner. Mind you i'll be the size of a skyscrapper! Crush the very life being of people who cheat and steal! Spit the size of a meteor flames at assholes who annoy me and people i dont like, watch them burn and scream for their pathetic lives. Eat buildings and crush them that tax our money with corruption. Scour the planet for corruption and unforgiven deeds! Squeeze a million bullies on my claws and watch them pop their eyes out! A nightmare has come, the world will have no time to repent! Jugdement Day will never be the same again. It'll rain blood, skies will darken, buildings will fall and meanies will DIE! And just when the final blow hits from my destruction, the sun will rise from the mountains. The clouds begin to clear our for the light to break and shed its devinity on the very soil that died. A new life will grow out from the debris and concrete of evilness. The good people will fade in and realize what the storm had brought in for them to clear out and start something new. Birds will fly and the breeze of new mornining will carry peace. And i will wake up to keep my dog quiet for ruining the perfect dream. [nom]... hmmm not on my watch. noMm left his thoughts at 12:21 am g0t s0mething to say? Permalink *** |
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- aR+ CrimiNa| - + nom rana + twenty-two + 22 feb 1987 + an artist + nepalese + surrealist + great thinker + walking hope... OUTKITS@hotmail.com 
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